The Baby Conventions

You know what the Geneva Conventions of 1929 were? So in 1947 the babies of the world got together and made up the Baby Conventions. These were a set of rules that all babies have to act a specific way, in order to protest unfair treatment at the hands of their parents. Here are some of their rules:

1) Do not go to sleep for the night until 10:30 or 11:00. If you do so for more than four and a half months, you will be kicked out of the Baby Union.

2) Scream at random times in the middle of the night, or in between feedings and naptimes, in order to confuse your parents. Scream and scream and scream for at least forty-five minutes, or until you have been passed from your father to your mother, from your mother to your father and back again, at least three or four times.

3) Reach for anything and everything that your parents did not give you to play with. Show that that you want equal treatment as part of the family and will not tolerate simple baby toys or books.

4) Insist on being played with and not playing by yourself, unless you have a babysitter who is learning/ learned on you.

5) Insist on being held when your parents eat, and reach for their food. Also insist on being held for at least forty-five minutes right when your parents arrive home. Do not let your parents clean, cook, or accomplish anything else while you are awake.