Reason For Absence and Lateness

Rare it is that my computer actually allows me to access this page, whether to leave comments and post. Know that I am not ignoring your comments, but rather, the computer and internet are being weird.
May it soon have a refua shleima.

The Unspoken

Since no one has asked for part 2, I assume it isn't worth writing up. I did, however, have some more gems that I intended to put here, but, as of right now, I don't remember them. Oh, well. If anyone has an idea of how to get over my "google is being weird/writer's block/too busy" bug, then please let me know. For now...I will blog when I can, and if it's REALLY important to people, I'll try for once a week. Otherwise...

Interdependence and Marriage

For some odd reason, in the past few months, nobody seems to have any qualms about asking me for advice on shidduchim. I'm honestly not sure what prompted this turn of events, but hey, why not? All I can do is try...and the effort is definitely worth it. Anyways, before you get any ideas, a disclaimer: The following was not phrased to me as a question, however, but as a complaint. So, here is my opinion on their complaint:

Somebody complained that a certain girl seems to be very emotionally needy. Similarly, I've heard complaints about boys with this chisaron. So, the question obviously goes: If a person is emotionally needy, should they even be thinking about marriage, or will the neediness ruin the relationship?

And here the answer: If one person is needy, he or she becomes a taker, and the other person becomes a giver. This is not a bad thing, but.... The giver becomes drained, worn out, pressured, stressed, and sometimes resentful of doing all the work. And for their part, the receiver becomes unhealthily indebted to the partner who is doing the work of a therapist, and may sometimes begin to take the generosity for granted, and expect it. Obviously, in a relatively short time, a relationship that works like this will deteriorate.

However, if both partners are needy, the situation becomes entirely different. And, since I have no more koach to type, there will be a part 2, IY"H.

Rules For Chavrusas

1) When unsure of the meaning of a Hebrew word that turned Aramaic by the addition of an "aleph" at the end, always trust the partner with the better Hebrew. If you both are Israeli, products of the same schools and society, then you shouldn't be arguing about it in the first place.

2) When unsure of the meaning of an Aramaic word that bears no resemblance to Hebrew whatsoever, always trust the partner with the better knowledge of Gemara.

3) Thank you to the person I was studying with, who taught me these rules. Of course, being that said person is not Israeli, I was the partner with the better Hebrew. And, of course, I had the correct translation of the word. However, I was not the partner with the better knowledge of Gemara, and so, on that point, I give way.

4) When trying to study, do not talk about other subjects that are unrelated to the topic of study. For instance, if studying Hilchot Sefirat Ha'Omer, do not talk about Hilchot Sukka, unless they bear a direct connection to the halachot being studied. Otherwise, you run the risk of arguing Torah that is off-topic, and not getting any real learning done. This is true ESPECIALLY if the two chavrusas like to argue.

5) Make sure that in case you have a problem with the Russian in the text, you have a dictionary on you. You wouldn't want to get stuck with a Russian word that you don't know the meaning of while learning. Then you may not be able to understand fully the text.

6) Make sure that if you are learning a text from two or more generations ago that either you or your chavrusa have decent knowledge of roshei teivot. Otherwise, you'll need to send a text to Bar Ilan, or call a rav...or spend ten minutes guessing, probably not getting it right, and even if you do, not knowing that you did.

7) V'chol hashvivin chavivin. V'lo kol hachavivin sh'vi'in. So, make sure that your learning is done not by rote, but with koach. Also make sure that you discuss maaseh merkava in the middle, for, as you all know, this is the most important part of all learning in both nigleh and chassidus. Also make sure that you read between the lines, since the chachamim, assuming that we're all mevinim, did not write everything that we think is necessary, and were sparing on words. Obviously, they did not live in this generation, where the knowledge is so sparse that every other person feels a need to write a book for those less educated. Of course, the fact that so many people write books does not mean that all of them deserve consideration when it comes to your learning seder.

Hard C, Soft C, What Do You See?

A "c" or "g" is "soft" if it is followed by the letters "e", "i", or "y". For example: cylinder, circular, cereal; giant, gypsy, gentle.

A "c" or "g" is "hard" if it is followed by any other letter...or a space. For example: domestic, cough, canteen, curator; guest, goblin, gate, guitar.

Soft "c" sounds like "s"; hard "c" sounds like "k". Likewise, soft "g" sounds like "j"; hard "g" sounds like "g".

When a letter should be "soft", but we want it to be "hard", we add a letter. Words such as: outrigger, guest, chord. For a "c", we generally add an "h"; for a "g" we add a "u". Sometimes, instead of either of these, we double the problematic letter of "c" or "g", whichever the case may be. Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule. But the above is an English rule, and therefore the exceptions will be common, and may often create the rule instead of the other way around. And that, my friends, is today's grammar lesson. Next lesson: Perhaps modals. But give me another subject, and I shall gladly substitute.

Moadim lsimcha!

P.S.- At least this is better than Wuthering Heights. I never was one for romance novels- that must be why it was so boring. Science fiction, anyone?

Wuthering Heights

The [boring] storyline basically goes like this:

Catherine1 and Hindley are brother and sister; Heathcliff is their adopted brother, about the same age as Catherine1. Catherine1 and Heathcliff are partners in mischief, get in trouble, and love each other, Hindley despises Heathcliff and degrades him. Edgar decides he wants to marry Catherine1, and against her better judgement, she marries him. Heathcliff is broken-hearted. Hindley marries a nasty girl; she dies in childbirth, giving birth to a son, named Hareton. Catherine1 and Edgar are happy, but she also dies in childbirth, giving birth to a daughter, Catherine2. Before Catherine1 and Edgar marry, Heathcliff leaves, and is gone for three years, before he returns to the Heights. When he gets there, he visits Catherine1 and Edgar, and is present when she loses consciousness for the last time, just before giving birth. Obviously, he and Edgar are sworn enemies. Heathcliff also gains control- legally- of all of Hindley's wealth, and thus retains that control for the remainder of the story, rendering all descendants of Catherine1 and Hindley (brother and sister) dependent on him, as their master.

Heathcliff marries Edgar's sister Isabella, and both are miserable. Isabella runs away, and a few months later gives birth to Heathcliff's son, Linton, who is a 'sickly, peevish child' [sic]. Isabella lives until Linton is twelve, at which point she dies (duh!), and calls Edgar to take her child and be with her when she dies. Edgar does so, and brings Linton, who is six months younger than Catherine2, home. He stays there for one night, until he is forced to go back to live with his father, Heathcliff.

Heathcliff has an idea that for the purposes of inheritance and making his enemies suffer, his sickly son, Linton, must marry Catherine2. He sets it up so that they have the opportunity to fall in love, which they do. Edgar Linton falls ill, and Heathcliff insists that Catherine2 not leave his home until she is married to Linton. She marries him, and escapes back home in time for her father and her to have one last meeting, while he is on the deathbed. She mourns. She is fetched back to her husband and father-in-law, and forced to take care of her husband for about a week, until his death. Though she did love him, she was forced into marriage, and afterwards, when her father-in-law and husband revealed their tyrannical natures, is miserable. After his death, she is kept as a ward who must earn her keep. Hareton, her other cousin, who also lives with them, is brutal to her face and defends her behind her back. He is also illiterate, which causes her to scorn him.

Eventually, Catherine2 teaches Hareton how to read, and they fall in love. Heathcliff dies, and then they marry a few months later. Heathcliff is buried next to his true love, Catherine1, who lies beside her husband. The side of her coffin and his are open, so that the bodies may disintegrate together. (I assume her husband lies on her other side.) With Heathcliff's death, the property transfers back to its rightful owner- namely, Hareton, Hindley's heir, and since Catherine2 is his wife, they both are rich, and live happily ever after, deserting the house which held so many awful memories.

Yippee! Was that interesting? No. It was well-written, but pointless and boring. However, now I can sign the paper attesting to the fact that I read the book, in its entirety, in English, answer the essay question, and be done.
Whoopee-do....

Fortunately, since this was my fifth book out of fifteen, I only have ten more left until I'm done. One of them, Billy Budd, seems pretty benign, even though it's even more boring than this and written in incomprehensible Old British English. At least it's only 70 pages...

WorryWart

Why do I still worry about everyone I've helped or tried to help, from the first few that I helped at sixteen or so, to the ones I helped yesterday?
And I'm nuts- why do I still try to keep contact? I don't know. I must be a Polish Jewish Mother- except I'm not.

Yippee!

I love getting an extra day plus some, while all galus-bound Jews celebrate Y"T sheini shel galuyot. Like, Sunday being a workday is good....motzei Shabbat that we end around eight or nine hours before anyone in America is also good...an extra day to do whatever I want to do and can do, while all of American Jewry has its hands tied, gives me a good head start. And I'm one who likes to feel ahead of everyone else.

Yippee! The only bummer is that I can't write normally with a pen for the next week. [boohoo]

It's Supposed To Be This Way

....but is it? So many times, I hear people telling me that I shouldn't worry, that it's supposed to be like this, that this is the result we wanted, and that this is what the Rebbe wanted. It's a normal, healthy, praiseworthy, good thing, and those who do so should be praised. They want to succeed, they want to do the right thing- this is good. Perhaps it is good. Perhaps they do want to do the right thing. But they are doing it the wrong way; they are doing the wrong thing. And anyone with half a brain can easily see that.

At this point, I must point out that I am speaking of the problems that befall our community in general, since, as I see it, this applies to all of them in greater or lesser measures. It is not meant to be taken as connected to your life or mine, unless, of course, you are part of the problem instead of being part of the solution. To continue:

This IS the normal thing, to be sure. This IS what we raised, this is what we sowed, what we hoped for. But now, it should NOT be normal. Because it should never have reached this point. And once it did, since reaching this point now is the natural path, as well as the easiest path, for it to take, the problem should have been recognized and prevented. Yes, it is being prevented by default. But when that default ends, then what? The problem must be solved, at its root. Or else a non-default situation must be avoided. And that's that. Too many people follow the herd instead of using their heads. And too many people fear others instead of fearing G-d. These two statements, I believe, are our problem. And what we are seeing are the symptoms. Yes, this is good, for certain people, for certain members of the community. But NOT for the community as a whole.

As to solving the problem* at its root: The root is not the situation at this point. The root is why the situation developed as such until now. Because, at the root of all problems, is a lack of yirat Shamayim. And that, my friends, is what needs to be solved. Not the symptoms, the problem. Solving symptoms is temporary and superficial. The real problem must be solved. And that problem...is a lack of yirat Shamayim.

To my readers: Chag sameach!

*Now: As to the question of what is this problem. Think about cheating (wants to do well), tznius (copies role models provided), not davening on time (same, as well as wanting to learn), shlichus by those who shouldn't be doing it (peer pressure, that's what they see as an honorable occupation), and any other problems that your community has.

Chabad Books....

Every other person writes a book. Every third person publishes his book. And there are books on every topic, written by people from every walk of life, from every path in Judaism. And yet, we're still missing a few.

Like..a gloss for the Ramba"m, so the ignoramuses don't get confused. (This is being written as we speak...)

...a KS"A that leaves out all the chumrot, and just sums up the S"A. (This is also in the process of being written.)

...a booklet on the importance of avodat hatefilla, which is an integral part of being a chassid and yet overlooked.

...a quality book on shalom bayit, written from a Chabad perspective. (Not being written yet, AFAIK, and every other path seems to have its own book or few of them.)

...a Chabad book that emphasizes something that Breslov pays attention to and Chabad doesn't. (Not yet in the process, if you'd like to take the job..)

...a book for boys like the Purple Book we give to girls.

...a thorough curriculum guide to give to chosson/kallah teachers, since everyone always complains about the incomplete education that today's couples are getting.

...a version of the KS"A that I don't have to worry about my kids reading.

...a guide for teachers' colleges on who to pick and what questions to ask, so as to weed out those who want to teach, for its own sake, from those who don't have anything else to do or were pressured into teaching.

...a guide for the Chabad businessman, who is often overlooked, on how to keep a proper level in ruchnius.

...oh, and for Y's sake, I'll add that he thinks there should be a book on tznius written by a woman. (He also wants me to write it, but we'll see what happens...)